Senior Solution

Having spent a good week driving in a retirement area in Florida recently, I reinforced a common rule known to everyone since the Model T first hit the streets:

Anytime you drive in an area far from home, everyone in that area drives like a moron.

As I tried to make it from point A to B without kissing chrome or bending fenders, I had to slow down for the drivers moving 15 miles per hour below the posted speed limits while dodging those moving 10 miles an hour above said limits. Gazing (OK, glaring) into the driver's window as I passed the tortoise and glancing (OK, glaring) into the driver's window as I was passed the hare, there was a common denominator that I couldn't help but notice.

Each driver was...ehm...more experienced than me.

By experienced, I mean...oh, hell, they were old. White hair, large glasses, vertically challenged, you name the stereotype & I saw it.

This is the point where the typical crank would call for drivers' licenses to be revoked for anyone over 65 to make the roads safe for the rest of us. This is where I differ from the typical crank.

Banning the elderly from driving would not be fair and would punish those who truly don't leave havok in their wake. Young or old, everyone needs to visit the drugstore, casino, or bingo parlor now and then. I'm a crank with a heart.

What I suggest is an approach that would allow our nation's senior citizens to go about their business but reduce the possibility of a horrific accident injuring others.

I want to limit the size of the vehicle driven by seniors based on age.

The presumption is that as we grow older, there is a greater chance of a driving mishap involving running into another vehicle or possibly a mall. By reducing the size of the vehicle as our seniors get older, we are limiting the possible damage they could cause.

For example, lets say Aunt Edna turns 65 this year. That bohemoth Cadillac she drives would have to go, traded down for a mid-sized ride, like maybe an Accord, which would give her more control and less metal to wrap around stationary objects. As she approaches 70, maybe she waves goodbye to the Accord and moves into a compact, like a Civic or Focus. Easier to handle and less destructive.

As Edna approaches 75 but still insists on driving, she would move into the smallest vehicle possible, maybe a Yugo would suffice. If Edna is still going strong around 80, she could be moved to a motorized scooter.

It's a win-win: Edna can still get around and, at this point, any traffic mishap would likely cause little more than a scrape in a car or a crack in the glass of a storefront.

In this election year, Florida was hopping with Presidential hopefuls, but I didn't hear this solution presented in any of the pep rallies. When you hear this idea bandied about as we approach November, probably by John Edwards, keep in mind that you heard it first with Smack Of Ham.